Guys.
2024 ended horribly and 2025 started off horribly for me.
I’m currently in therapy and have been for the past few years now. It helps, to a point.
2023 and 2024 were very busy for my husband and I leading up to our wedding in August of 2024, and after that, things still seemed busy, but for positive reasons! We attended a total of four weddings last year, including our own, and they were all very different and very fun!
But 2024 for me saw change—work became extremely stressful. The company isn’t doing well (we recently found out we are being bought out by another smaller company that doesn’t nearly have the business tenure our company does, nor the footprint—that itself says something) and I’m finding while my metrics show I’m a star employee, I’m constantly being picked on with no true defense. My current supervisor has said to me he doesn’t know how to explain to our workforce management why my adherence looks the way it does. In the four years I’ve been with the company, I never had a supervisor tell me they didn’t know how to defend me.
My health took a random nosedive, and I racked up close to $30,000 in medical bills. Fortunately, while I’m not a huge fan of my employer, I will say they do right by us with our benefits package, especially the healthcare portion. The coverage is phenomenal and they pay, like, ⅔ of your individual deductible. Without it, I probably would not have gotten the care I needed because I wouldn’t be able to afford it.
The external hard drive I had connected to my iMac took its last breath before I could obtain a replacement and I lost everything from the last 20+ years—design work, photos, documents, etc. I can create new work. I can recover documents, as they are likely elsewhere with others (government forms, etc.)…photos cannot be recovered, though, and I’m feeling pretty numb about it. This feels like the universe is encouraging me to invest in cloud space to never lose anything again.
In more recent times, a really close friend I had from work no longer wanted to be friends and instead of being truthful to me, decided it would be more efficient for him to begin ignoring me, treating me as if I’m lesser, and finally robbing me of a possible opportunity I had to move back into the role I was originally laid off from back in 2023. Needless to say, this has impacted me the most. I am cut deeply by the loss of a great friend, but turned sour and feeling vindictive by the betrayal in the workplace. Regardless, the best retaliation I can have is to better myself and move on. I don’t need anyone in my life who will purposely inflict harm on me because they and I do not see eye-to-eye. I still wish nothing but the best for him, as he’s got a family to take care of and despite what our personal relationship became, he’s still a good leader and an awesome coworker to those who do get along with him.
Two weeks ago, just after the new year, my husband’s grandmother passed away. She was 89 and the toughest, but sweetest, little lady you’d ever meet. The woman would drink ANYONE under the table, and she always won at LCR, even if she didn’t.
My health has improved, but I’m still having residual issues and the care team I’m working with at the hospital system I chose to take on these issues has failed me more than helped me. I may seek a second opinion or just let things go until they flare up again. I haven’t decided.
The cherry on top is my depression returned. I typically don’t talk to many people about it. 15-year-old me back in, what, 2003? would have aired out all my dirty laundry on Xanga/LiveJournal, put up an angsty lyric from a song as my away message on AIM, and I would have sulked for days. But as an adult in this time, depression hits a lot differently. My serotonin medication is doing the best it can, that is, when I remember to take it.
Good, great even, things happened too! As I mentioned, I got married. I got a slight pay increase (I’m talking cents, not dollars), I celebrated another birthday. I watched other friends get married, I partied…So while the heartbreak has been real, the happiness has always found its way back. While I’m not doing great mentally, I’m trying to remind myself that the sun always comes back out. I’ll be OK. (Plus, the Eagles are doing phenomenally! COME ON COMMANDERS, BRING IT!)
I have goals for my life this year. They’re not resolutions, just goals. You can argue that a resolution IS a goal, but see, I don’t have a time limit. I don’t only have 2025 to get these resolutions complete. It would be ideal, but I need to make sure I’m doing what I need to do and do it correctly to benefit the most from it. Of course, there are some things I’d like to accomplish within 2025, like read 10 books. I love reading, but as I got older and busier, I don’t make the time for myself to do the things I love. I find myself putting others and their needs/wants first.
I’m currently reading A Good Girl’s Guide to Murder by Holly Jackson. The structure of the story is interesting…I’m not too immersed in the writing itself, but I appreciate the effort and the story does keep my interest a bit. However, because I’m not totally engrossed in it, it’s taken me months to get maybe a third of the way through. My TBR list is infinite, and I keep asking my husband to take me to B&N on a date and allow me 5 football minutes in the store. My Facebook Reels algorithm is a blend of books, 3D printing, crafts, and cooking. I finally got the wedding content to disappear.
I want to make a more concerted effort to update this portfolio regularly. Maybe once a week at least.
I bought another blank bullet journal to track different things. We’re 20 days into the new year and I have maybe 2 rectangles drawn. I’m trying.
I’m also trying to prioritize my health and wellness. I’m trying to encourage my husband to do the same with the promise of trying for babies if he can get on track with his health needs.
I have goals to stay off my phone more (though Candy Crush Saga has made its way back into my life…) and just enjoy the company of silence when I’m not working. I want to see more people more often. I need to break the cycle of depression.
I want to be more active in the design community and I want to find my way into advertising once and for all.
All this to say, I’m back. I hope to stay. I bought a new domain to use with the name change. I debated internally if I wanted to go back to the “Hey There Michelle” moniker or if I wanted to provide a more mature, serious vibe to my brand. I opted for the latter. I’m only getting older and despite what companies and HR and recruiters tell you, ageism is a thing.
Here’s to an excellent 2025! I am leaving you with my most recent work: a label manipulation for some baby oil we brought as a gag gift to a party on Saturday.
